15 August 2011

Teh Evil Penguin on Casey Anthony


I know I was going to hold off of posting new original content until August, but this topic still isn't dropping off of the face of the planet like Challenger did and like I thought Atlantis would earlier.

This relentless media frenzy that has taken place for the last three years, and especially the last three months, has been hard to ignore for even the most oblivious waterhead who spends all day fapping to Gardevoir porn. When the verdict came in, most people were shocked and outraged (including yours truly, believe it or not). It's a trending topic that must be talked about by someone on the outside. Thus, I feel that it is my sworn duty to come back a little early and address this horrible travesty that is the Casey Anthony trial.

Yes I do. I have a heart for the general public. After all, who really murders accidentally kills their child, puts the child in the trunk, drives the child out to the middle of bumfucked nowhere, buries the child, leaves a small bit of death in the car for the parents to discover 31 days later, finally tell the police the child's been missing for 31 days, go out partying and sucking tube steak like it's going out of style for said 31 days, lies to authorities consistently, lies that she works at Disney (or some place of the sort), searches for incriminating materials online WITHOUT A GODDAMN PROXY, and still manages to walk away with only one week served in prison after the trial?

Three words.

I mean, who else goes and fucks some Dutch rich boy who obviously has anger issues, just to get killed and thrown in the fucking ocean? Who else drives their van into a lake with their three kids inside? Who else kills one of the greatest musicians of all time and makes it look like a goddamn accident?

Who does the media flock around whenever they kill or get killed because it brings up ratings more than anyone else?

Crazy. White. Bitches.

I am so fucking sick of having a new crazy white bitch come up after the last one gets done. Every year it's the same damn thing, at least one white slut gets killed after going missing from wanting to get her snatch rammed like the door or a medieval castle getting raided by the Normans, and at least one dumb white whore ends up driving across country in a diaper to kill her husband or kills her kids because she wants to get plastered and railed on Margarita Mondays just like her daddy used to do to her when she was a teenager. And all these stories hit the news because some dumb skank has to push every story featuring a crazy white bitch for three years doesn't mean it's important.

I want some color, I want some diversity, I want something more than rich, affluent white bitches clogging up my airwaves. I want something you don't see everyday when you turn on Nancy Grace.

For example, I want to see a Japanese woman go ape shit, throw on some ninja clothes, and start taking out people with a katana and some razor wire. Shit, have her do like LulzSec did, start small and eventually go after government officials and high-power companies.

I can see it now: a teenage Japanese girl's on the train, minding her own business, when a government official comes up from behind and starts to grope her (because we all know over there if it bleeds, it breeds). He slides in a finger, she has enough of his bullshit, pulls out a ninja sword from her backpack, cuts the man's dick off before shoving it in his mouth, slicing his head off and slicing him right down the middle like Kung Lao in Mortal Kombat.

And that's just the tip of it. When was the last time we've seen a black woman get charged for killing someone through voodoo? When was the last time we saw a Polynesian woman get busted after she sacrificed her kids to a shark for the gods? And when was the last time we've heard of any Native American chicks getting strung out on peyote and being fucked to death by a buffalo? It's not that I get off of these things, I just dream of the day when we get equality in the news, when we can turn on the television and see something more than a crazy white bitch.


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